I am really not doing well in the eating department, and that has got to change. I need to eat as if my health depends on it. Which it does. So what is my deal?
Starting tomorrow (I would say now, because that's the right answer, but it wouldn't be the honest answer), I am going to do the following:
-Get up early enough to go for a walk a minimum of 3 days a week. I have said since i got my job that working at 9:30 gives me NO EXCUSE to not at least walk in the morning! I can do that! Yet, i don't. Sometimes i am too tired in the evening, sometimes it's too hot or it's raining. But in the morning it's still cool enough, and there is time.
-Bring my lunch to work. (Brad has been telling me to do this anyway, from a financial standpoint!)
-Not get coke or m&m's at work! (If i bring my lunch, this will be taken care of. Well, the coke will b/c i only get it when i buy lunch. But the m&m's may be a little harder!)
If i do these things, and keep it up, I WILL SEE WEIGHTLOSS! I am using Plexus, but have found that my weight still won't budge if i am eating crap. It's not so rigid that i cannot have a cookie or two, and I am okay with that kind of eating. Eating healthy with a little dessert now and then. What I am not okay with is completely turning my back on eating right altogether! That doesn't work for me. That won't allow weightloss. (Most people on Plexus say they didn't have to change how they eat along with it! I am not sure if that is a lie, if they are lucky OR (most likely, maybe?!) their way of eating isn't as bad as mine is when i'm "not dieting"!). Anyway.
Yesterday i went to an infertility workshop. It was really good, and i am really glad i went. Between those attending the workshop and those putting it on, 100% of those in attendance UNDERSTAND what it is like to deal with infertility. And that just feels good. Because there is NEVER a time like that. EVER. I am always surrounded by people who have no clue! I am not saying that nobody in my life understands. I do have a few people in my life who get it. But i am never in a room with ALL people who have walked (or are still walking) this road. It is a VERY difficult road, so it was nice to be with people who get it. For hours in a day!!
I learned a lot this weekend, and left with my head spinning about what our next step will be, if i don't get pregnant in the near future. And there are so many ideas in my mind, and so many doubts and a lot of "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING" when it comes to my future. But one thing i do know:
I need to eat as if a healthy diet is my fertility treatment. i mean, it IS, really. It IS what the doctor prescribed before we do tests or anything else: Weightloss. I need to do it as if that is the only option for me. As if IVF and IUS's wouldn't work for me! As if i went to the doctor and he did a million tests and said, "eating healthy is your best bet for a baby".
Adoption is on my mind now. But i still haven't let go of the idea of my own biological child. And i want to do everything i can, everything i have been advised to do, to make that happen. And losing weight is what i have been advised to do, for now. No matter how much i don't like it, no matter how much i resent everyone else getting pregnant regardless of how they don't eat right or exercise!! It's not fair. But this is my journey & i am believing that God has me on this path for His purpose. Maybe it's to get me to better health. Or maybe it's to minister to women who deal with infertility. Or maybe it's to put adoption in my mind. Or maybe it's all of those or none of the above.
But, I need to do all that i can, and if it doesn't work, then i can say i tried it all.
ANYWAY. All that said, I am still doubting i can do this, and that is really has to be what is holding me back. I don't believe in myself. And I don't need to believe in myself when it comes to losing weight. I need to believe in the one who wants me to do this! He can give me strength, and he will! I just have to trust Him and ask for His help. (Which i do, constantly - so what am i missing?!)
I want to overcome, i want victory. And yet i am constantly giving in to the flesh. We are studying Galatians at church and verse 25 says, "Since we live by the spirit, let us keep in step with the spirit." I mean, surely since I am a follower of Christ i can live by the Spirit, right?!
Please pray for me. Love you all! :)